Yom Kippur

G’mar Hatimah Tovah

May you be sealed for a good year [in the Book of Life]

Teshuvah

Turn to one another

and see the holy spark 

Turn inward

and seek to repair

seek to return

to the Holy One

7. Standing Meditation

Shalom

May we greet the stranger

May we feed the hungry

May we clothe the needy

in the shalom of love

May the shalom of the day

surround us

May the shalom of the night

be our lullaby 

6. Standing Meditation

Hoda’ah

       giving gratitude for the

blessings of our day

today i found mushrooms

half hidden beneath tall grass

today i listened to women

wrestle meaning from a book

today i woke up with the sun

and gave thanks

for the new day

5. Standing Meditation

Avodah

      May we pray with joy and love

Imagine the strumming of a guitar,

 the utterances of a flute 

Imagine a nigun, a  song without words

accompanying your prayers

—a song of the soul 

       

4. Standing Meditation

Today is Holy

Sustain us 

and bring peace

to our table 

and to our world

Instead of seeing 

our differences

let us rejoice in our diversity 

for today is holy

Rather than words that divide

let us seek words that are a balm

for today is holy

Rather than hoard our wealth 

let us spread it where needed

for today is holy 

Sustain us 

and bring peace
to our table

 and to our world

3. Standing Meditation

Kidushat Hashem
The holiness of God’s name


when i stood within the canyon
and read the rocks with the palm of my hand
when i hiked through red and orange sculptures
as the sun gathered itself and appeared as a ball of fire
when i walked around a pond and heard the cry of a loon
when i sat on a flat rock and
let the river run through my fingers
when i glimpsed wilderness
i stood in awe

2. Standing Meditation

Gevurot
God’s strength: giver of life to everything


even the people who make you uncomfortable
even the wild turkeys that gather on lawns
even the insects that sting
even those people who get under your skin
they all are God’s creatures
even the animals and fish that are extinct
even the sponge and the coral
and the octopus, anteater, and two toed sloth
—all God’s creatures

1. A Standing Meditation

Avot v’imahot
or the connection with our ancestors

years before my grandfather painted apartments in the bronx he served in the russian army a job he left to travel first to ellis island where his name became mangled and he lost the last few letters of his last name and ended up in a tenement building on the lower east side along with other immigrants and there he met his wife who had long red hair

I don’t know how or when they migrated to the bronx with their family of three sons and one daughter or how he became a house painter

his wife, cecila, loved purple and cooked potato pancakes and all my older cousins believed that she made wine in the bathtub but that was never proved and i didn’t care because all i wanted to do was watch her brush her long red hair and twist it into a figure eight held together with a few barrettes and a deft touch

we visited their apartment every other sunday even though my mother thought it too often and i became bored

in the afternoon my grandfather stood facing the direction of jerusalem and davened

my mother's mother, yette, was married to a man who drove a meat truck and was active in the teamsters and because of his union background i learned to never cross a picket line and i never have

he died when I was three and my grandmother came to live with us in a three room rent controlled apartment in the bronx where i never thought we didn't have enough space and my grandmother and i shared the bedroom while my parents slept on a pullout bed in the living room

yette had a beautiful soul and for years attended night school english classes where she learned how to speak "american" and wrote short sentences on scraps of paper which she kept in her pocketbook--i,too,keep scraps of paper with sentences or quotes in my tote bag

she taught me how to play pisha pasha, a card game, and told me to never pass by someone who is homeless and asking for money


I don't know the people who came before my grandparents although i did know that they came from poland and russia and a few from germany

Tashlich

Tashlich
             “He will take us back in love; He will cover up
              our iniquities. You will cast all their sins into
              the depths of the sea.”
                       Micah 7:19

find fast moving water
if that’s not possible any body of water—
and if there are fish in the water
it adds to the symbolism
for just the way fish are caught
we too are tangled up by our misdeeds
cast your sins into the water
and watch the current
take them downstream

#BlogElul Day 29: Return

Return

I turn again
and look at what needs
cleaning, shoring up
The past is filled
with potholes and cracks
Streaks mar the mirror
and clarity is distorted
In time I’ll return and untangle
places still knotted and tender

#BlogElul Day 28: Give

Give
me
some
time to
think about this
year and next
What needs to be done
to repair and forgive—
to renew and refurbish
to hold and to let go
Let me empty my pockets
of any crumbs

#BlogElul Day 27: Bless

If Not Today When

Lord, bless us all—
those who fall and stand up again,
those who fall and can’t get up
those who try to live right
and those who don’t try
Lord, we all need your blessing
even those who don’t know your name
and never talk to you
Lord, the road is long
Bless each of us

# BlogElul Day 26: Create

Following

When I try to replicate the color of grass
under an overcast sky I mix my paints
until I think the hue's been captured.
God, the ultimate painter choose the palette

Later I sketch you reading
These lines are mine
They wander across your face,
down the arm that holds a book
I find a rhythm and my pencil moves
with care as I follow your shape

#BlogElul Day 25: Change

First You Look


I look in the mirror and note more gray hairs,
loose skin under my chin and a web of lines
Every year I look backwards, lose myself
in memories and make a list of projects
for the coming year: go through and organize
2,658 photos, cook one new recipe a month,
put together a book of poetry, write letters to
old friends, finally paint the Tree of Life
My goals gather momentum
as I list one thing after another
A dizzying pace of to do, want to do items
This type of list is far easier than seeing
what needs to change
because facing up to change is hard
Change demands attention—-
It means pointing a mirror into
hidden crevices and letting light in

#BlogElul Day 24: Hope

Prayer, the Handmaiden of Hope

You can live without chocolate frappes,
pizza with five toppings, a Starbucks latte,
front row seats at the game of your choice,
cable television, even your smart phone—
but you can’t live without hope
Hope speaks to possibilities

#BlogElul Day 23: Begin

    God sorts the stories we don’t tell.

           —Rachel Barenblatt

Let us begin to unspool 

our untold stories

and let them roll out  

over the grass, gravel, and asphalt

until they arrive at a small stream

where children toss sticks and watch

the current take them downstream

Let us make boats out of tree bark

to hold our stories

and set them loose

#BlogElul Day 22: End

                       An End is Also a Beginning

i remember when I first learned to phone friends and we didn’t know how to end conversations so we kept saying goodbye until someone finally said “my mother called me” and that helped stop the endless goodbyes yet growing older didn’t make acknowledging an end any easier  because an end carries feelings that need expression and yet we don’t always know the correct words even when we know the feelings

death is an end, a finality that nudges reflection and remembering the trajectory of a friendship, of  the fulcrum of family and the wish for more time so conversations might be replayed, edited, or  amended and more time to redo or create new memories 

recognizing an end instead of looking to see if there is another page is a hard earned skill

The Month of Elul

"The Hebrew letters of the word  ( Elul) אלִול can be read as an acronym for the phrase Ani l'dodi v'dodi li, "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine." Song of Songs"
  The Velveteen Rabbi

#BlogElul Day 21: Love

     

              Love Defined

Is love doled out in droplets

or expansive and overflowing—

without boundaries, without demands

Is love unconditional—no strings,

no if and then preconditions 

Ask yourself if this was always so

#BlogElul Day 20: Fill

 Lord, Fill Me With Your Spirit

I got a silk bow tie

and bangles

that jingle 

Velvet pants

that fit like a lover

A satin shirt

and a cummerbund 

made of shimmer 

sequins like my

momma bought

to sew on sweaters

I got a hat with feathers

and dancing shoes

I’m ready Lord

to dance

#BlogElul Day 19: Speak

A Retrospective 

Speak up

Speak out

Speak as if  life

depended upon your words

Speak up for those times

you were silent

Let me speak the words

I never said

Let me speak the words

I swallowed 

#BlogElul Day 18: Ask

                                                   Ask 

What to ask ? Only those things that exist as possibilities, or miracles that seem impossible—perhaps ask to partner in the answers.

#BlogElul Day 17:Awaken

     To Awaken 

Apprise yourself of those places

that are tarnished and seen

through half-closed eyes

Inform yourself of places that

need a voice and speak 

#BlogElul Day 16:Pray

          Prayer

Pray for those who eat the leftovers 

Pray for the woman wrapped in a blanket

with a park bench as a bed

Pray for the child with the hollow chest

and eyes that bulge

Pray for those who live with no walls

Pray for those who refuse to see,

for those who can’t hear the footfalls,

for those who walk past the  man

who sits on the sidewalk with a cup 

and a  cardboard sign--

Homeless and Hungry

Pray for forgiveness 

for all the times we meant to give

Pray for the times we didn’t speak,

didn’t make eye contact

And I pray for forgiveness for thinking

that it is the other who too often forgets 

#BlogElul Day 15: Intend

    I Intend to 

Someday I’ll sit down and recall 

the number of things I thought 

I’d do, but life interrupted

My unwritten novel never moved 

beyond a thin skeleton plot

Maybe there's comfort in staying 
within the boundaries 

Someday I’ll create a list

of places I meant to see,

hikes missed, apologies not made

Perhaps this year I’ll write

unsent letters to those

who can no longer hear my words 

Perhaps this year I'll practice

saying words out loud 

#BlogElul Day 14:Learn

The grass learns from the rain 

and grows toward the clouds—

a drought turns the grass into brittle straw

A metaphor for love

#BlogElul Day 13: Remember

       Searching for a Revision

I think I remember my surprise birthday party

with a centerpiece and napkins to match,

a home baked cake and a candle for each year.

But when I last tried to recall the table I saw frosted

cupcakes and a wrapped present and one candle.

That’s how memories change with time.

Was I happy? Did I thank you for this party?

Just the two of us. Your brother was at basketball

practice and ate his cake long after the

balloons came down and the centerpiece folded.

I remember a long silence while we ate our cake 

on matching plates. What happened then?

Did we laugh? Sometimes I think we went somewhere

after the cake? Other times I think we moved

separately and let the silence blanket the rooms.

That silence followed us— a marauder tamping

down a chance at a different story.

#BlogElul Day 12: Count

Peace Be With You

and with you

and with you

Let us count our blessings

this day

  

#BlogElul Day 11: Trust

                                 Finding the Universe in a Story

     

         A way of coming face to face with what you think or thought often happens when reading a book. When I trust an author, a character within a story, the narrative flow— I may find that the words I read could be my words. While the specific situation differs, different plot, characters that bear no resemblance, the author hones in and explores, delineates some human flaw that resonates with most people. A good author writes so that the reader finds that the story belongs to everyone. Perhaps not each aspect, but enough so that the story is universal.

        While reading  Nicole Krauss’s book Great Houses I came across a paragraph that spoke to me about relationships. The paragraph is too long to quote—but three lines will do.

           “The moment after you walked out of the room I realized that I’d lost my chance. I understood that you had offered me a reprieve, and I squandered it. And I                                       knew it would not come again.”

#BlogElul Day 10: Forgive

Forgive Me

Some remembering is hard, tough

calluses form over time—

Forgiving whittles down 

the edges, softens those places

where hairline cracks turn

into gaps of silence