I Wanted a Verb

I am the child who waited for a gift and unwrapped a pair of rain boots when they had hoped for a rag doll. Disappointment. A feeling of being duped. 

      For the past three years the pastor at the church I attend bought into the One Word phenomenon. Select a word, live with the word, grow with the word. Each year words are written on gold or silver stars and those stars are placed face down on the sanctuary floor. The congregation listens to the rules : no peeking, no exchanging. And the pastor says if the word goes against your grain it is probably exactly the word you need. “ You have won the jackpot.”

     Today, the day of the stars. I sang all the hymns—even the many I didn’t know. Ok I mouthed them because I can’t carry a tune. I kept looking at my watch willing the time to proceed rapidly. Today I’d pick my word. 

    Finally the call. Walk, don’t run — and pick up a star. I noticed that some people just bent down and selected any star— not me. I walked about looking for a sign, a magnetic pull, some sort of divine intervention before I made a selection. When it appeared as if I was on my own I selected a star and walked back to my seat. 

    Then, without any drumroll, I turned the star over. There in bold letters my word stared back— kindness. A fine adjective turned into a noun. I wanted a verb.

    The first year my word release tugged at me and every day for a year I included the 

word release in my blog entries. I hounded myself into thinking of all the ways release applied to me, to life. I unearthed news stories and spiritual biographies. 

    I wrestled with the word. The word took me by the hand, by the throat, through the past into the future. I painted, collaged, wrote poems, found myself drawn to the concept, to the philosophical understanding of what it means to actually release something. I was drunk on the implications of release. 

     My word for 2019— kindness. An adjective turned into a noun by the addition of ness. No verb for me. The  word on my star couldn’t survive without its suffix. Yes, I know that kindness is an important virtue. Yes, I agree we should all indulge in kindness to one another. And I admit to not always being a paragon of kindness, but a year of residing in the realm of kindness. It sounds like a year of being forced to watch Hallmark dramas or a year of reading goody good fiction. Kindness, civility are powerful and need to be practiced by everyone. Now that I’ve agreed...what comes next?

    How do you wrestle with kindness. I wanted a strong verb—

    When you add —ness to a noun you find yourself handling an abstract noun. Not substantial, not showing its sinews, lacking muscle. I reside in particulars. You can’t see or touch an abstract noun. I have nothing against abstract nouns — save to live with this one for a year. 

    Then again I can apply myself to Ness.

      Ness is a character, actually the protagonist, of Earthbound ( a game). According to WikiBound Ness comes from the town of Onett and he is both witty and gifted. 

      Ness carries a geographic pedigree: the village of Ness, Cheshire, England and Ness Islands in the River Ness, in Scotland

Ness Waterfall in Scotland and River Ness 

Ness City, Kansas

Ness Township, Minnesota

Mount Ness, Antarctica

Ness Lake, British Columbia, Canada

Of course there’s the Loch Ness monster

And there’s NESS New England Skeptical Society

As well as HMS Ness, two Royal Navy ships

Ness Award, annual award of the Royal Geographical Society

NESS a mission of the Near Earth Object Surveillance Satellite 

Things are looking up. I will kinda become a roving, without leaving home, investigator studying and reporting on places or groups that have used or gravitated toward ness. And in the spirit of kindness I promise not to indulge in too many words when reporting my findings. And if you must reply to this long and convoluted writing — do so in the same spirit.