Returning Again

I remind myself that prayer means keeping company with God who is already present.

-- Philip Yancey

Sometimes I feel like a religious traveler--visiting places, shuffling my feet and moving on. My stays limited by some discomfort, an itch to explore yet another road.

I envy those who have set their feet down, unpacked and remained. They learn the prayers, know when to stand and when to sit. At times their learning becomes rote and they disconnect, but stay put--moving from foot to foot.

People speak of pilgrimages, but I speak of loops. My faith paths always spiral around until they arrive back at the original starting point. At first that trajectory astonished me--but now I view it as a perpetual pilgrimage that returns to the beginning.

Religions remind me of gloves, never perfect because they are stitched together by people or by machines tutored by people.A little too tight, or too loose, causing friction, rubbing, or soft and fitting.

I've attended services in temples where I intoned the ancient Hebrew from transliterated text, learned my aleph-- haltingly read the prayer book, began Biblical Hebrew and gave up because it was too hard and I'd already moved my feet beyond the temple door.

I studied Deuteronomy with members of the Hebrew-Christian Alliance. James, our teacher, was a scholar who pondered the meaning of a postage sized fragment of the Dead Sea Scrolls. He translated from Aramaic with ease and quoted text in several languages. He spoke of word derivations and squeezed meanings from word roots.

We met in a private home--ten disparate individuals: intellectuals, seekers, aetheists and the curious.
James wove his meaning from multiple sources while we listened, prayed and ate the hostesses sponge cake and drank tea from cups with saucers

Study suits me. I've sat around a large wood table for Torah study, sat on a wing chair in a minister's study and read Acts with five parishioners, sat at a large folding table and listened to a woman teach the first five books of the Hebrew Bible. I've sat in a temple library and followed a discussion of Levinas. 

I've sat around the cramped quarters of an old church and studied the gospels. I've cooked hot dogs for a church luncheon, attended a number of Praise and Worship services at a local church. Only about forty people ever showed up. Periodically someone was Slain in the Blood.

Years ago I heard Billy Graham speak, listened to a Holy Roller preacher at a tent revival, danced the hora at an Israeli birthday celebration, sang Amazing Grace at a Harper's Ferry festival. 

I've lit Chanukah candles and shabbat candles. I've lit Advent candles.

Now I return again to one of the faiths and wonder when I'll stay and stop moving from foot to foot.